Soccer is boring, plain and simple.

Congrats to Spain!. What a boring final game. Could you imagine if the Superbowl went to overtime and a team won on a safety and the final score was 2-0. Yawn.

Soccer is almost as bad as watching the WNBA. Almost.

Ok, now that the World Cup is over, I don't have to watch another soccer match for 4 more years. I really enjoyed watching the World Cup... I watched just about every match (or at least part of them). There's something about the world stage that can make even the most boring sports bearable to watch. Every time the World Cup comes around, people theorize that soccer will finally catch on in the US. Nope. It's still boring. Super boring. We don't watch the World Cup because it's exciting, we watch because the world is watching. If they had the World Cup of badminton, and ESPN made a big deal of it, I'd probably watch. By the way, I think ESPN did a fabulous job of covering the World Cup. It also appears as if South Africa did a wonderful job as hosts. Their stadiums look incredible.

In case the folks at FIFA wanted my opinion, here are some ways to make soccer less boring:

#1- Get rid of the offsides penalty. There'd be more scoring and it would be less boring. If a team is offsides, they have a better chance to score, but if they don't score, the other team has the advantage on the counter attack. And if the defense knows offsides won't be called, they may keep more people back on defense.

#2- No blood, no foul. Sure, there are some flagrant fouls in soccer, and they should be called in effort to protect the players. But when I player flops due to a little contact, there should not be a foul called. Play on pussy! Quit your whining. You don't see baseball players rolling on the ground with their hands covering their faces when they get nailed by a 98 MPH fastball (which I guarantee hurts way worse). Oh no, he stepped on your foot and you fell on the soft, well manicured grass. Rub some dirt on it and take it like a man.

#3- Players who flop and whine and put on an Academy Award acting job should have to go to the "cry baby box" for 5 minutes and make their team play a man down. If you really are hurt "sooo bad" that it warranted lying on the ground crying... you should take a couple of minutes to collect yourself. The box will have a big comfy chair and a box of tissues to dry your eyes. The "mother figure", a middle aged woman will also be in the cry baby box to comfort you and help wipe your tears away. If you get a boo boo, she'll kiss it and make it all better.

#4- No ties. When a team can advance by playing for a tie, that is weak sauce. We want the best teams to be in the round of 16. Two wins and your are in. At least 2 teams in a 4 team group will get at least two wins. Go to the shorter overtime periods if it's tied after 2 halves, then go to a shootout. Tying is boring to watch. That USA v. England match was exciting to watch, but then in ended in a 1-1 tie which makes it so neither of the teams fans can rub it in the face of the others. And let's face it... that's what sports is all about... trash talking your friends before, during and after the game.

#5. Better refs. I'll admit, I don't know all about soccer, but it sure seemed like the officiating was very inconsistent. There were lots of blown calls and there didn't seem to be a standard for which tackles are fouls and which are not. Seems like the refs have too much power and it depended on their mood. Offsides should be a reviewable call. Many times it was called when it shouldn't have been and wasn't called when it should have been called. Inconsistent.

#6. Instead of two halves, why not break it up into 4 quarters like most of the other real sports?

#7. The timing. What's this extra time BS? That seems quite arbitrary. Why not just stop the clock, whenever the action stops due to an injury, penalty or goal scoring celebration. Speaking of the celebrations... soccer players should take a cue from Terrell Owens and do something creative when they score. Running to the corner and diving on the grass is what they do all game long... perhaps they should mix it up when they finally score?

#8. Not once did I hear the crowd do the ole, ole ole chant. I feel cheated. Instead while watching each match I had to make sure my house wasn't infested with bees. WTF with the vuvuzelas? I imagine if I was there watching in person, I may end up getting in a fight, and someone may end up with a vuvuzela shoved where there sun doesn't shine. At least put a couple of keys on the thing so you can play a damn tune!

Daniel Tosh sums it up best: